The moment the CNN said "Obama projected President Elect," we were in disbelief. We changed the channel to MSNBC, then to FOX news. When FOX said the same thing, we knew it was true. Then we heard the joyful cries in the street.
"Obama! Obama! Obama!"
We went outside to join them. We screamed, I yelled, I was lost in a mass of happiness, hope, and relief. Of course this would happen in New York City. "This is so GOOD," I repeated loudly, laughing almost maniacally with excitement, faith restored anew in my fellow man, faith restored in democracy. "I have hope. I actually have hope," I repeated, astonished.
It sound mellow-dramatic, but it's true. I was terrified that McCain had a chance (Hey, it happened for Republicans two elections in a row).
We went out on the street where the homeless shelter was awash with happiness, we gave them high fives as we passed and rejoiced, shouting "Obama! We did it!"
We walked uptown and had victory shots of Jack Daniels, the most American thing we could think of at the time. We walked north still, where in every bar with a television no one spoke, the patrons quelled by McCain's concession speech. No one spoke, all eyes were glued to the television. It was as if some disaster has struck and we were all in disbelief. It was, in fact, quite the opposite: hope was restored.
As we got to Union Square, the crowd was immense; a gigantic American flag flowed over the rejoicing bodies. People not knowing how to express their relief, their elation, climbed the lamps and were subsequently arrested. But I don't even think they cared. They had their hope; even the face of arrest, they claimed victory. As people banged on pots and pans, a man brought a bass and played a tune and we all danced to the hymn of the re-instated Democracy, our reiterated faith in each other and our people.
"Finally, I won't have to use drugs as escapism!" I yelled half-seriously--I really didn't feel like I would need to get high ever again.
Others chanted "Yes we can!" or "Si Se Puede" or "This is what Democracy looks like!"
Then a friend of mine came up to me, looking distraught and enveloped me in his arms, giving me a hug so genuine that it felt like I was a child again. "I am so sorry about Proposition 8," he said, "It's so fucked up. I'm so sorry."
"No." I said, "It didn't pass yet, did it?" He was drunk and didn't really know how to respond, but he was noticeably upset.
My friend in Indiana texted me "Have you seen the numbers on Prop 8?"
"No. It didn't pass, right?"
"They're still counting ballots, but it's %51 for it."
My heart sank. My hope was gone "Why do they hate us?" was my only--albeit short-sighted and immature--thought. I couldn't understand. I felt myself losing my drive to be with all these people who I knew could fully enjoy being citizens under their elected official--the Obama that I helped elect, too. I had to leave. I said goodbye to the mob, to the joy, to the hope.
I went home and got high.
In two days time I would read the exit polls, the "crushing defeat for the pro-marriage community" headlines. I would find out that, in record numbers, black voters came out to support Obama, and ironically enough, in record numbers, black voters came out to vote yes on Proposition 8. Sixty-one percent of black voters in California who voted Obama also voted for the ban, versus forty-nine percent of white voters for Obama.
True, this was one of the most expensive issues on the ballot for California in years, and true that a record number of voters came out for this election regardless, but I can't help feeling like it is almost directly Obama's fault that Proposition 8 passed in California.I don't blame him; I don't hate the sinner, I hate the sin.
By enticing the black voters in record numbers in California and also explicitly not supporting gay marriage, he okay-ed their attitudes. He opened the floodgate of anti-gay votes that led to the ban. Like I said, though, I don't blame him.
When Mr. Obama talks about gay marriage, he does so awkwardly, without his characteristic charisma and eloquence. He relies on his faith as a Christian to define marriage to be between a man and a woman. Compared with the rest of his interviews, however, a reader or viewer can just tell how awful he feels about not being able to say that he supports gay marriage; through his clenched, Christian teeth he says to us: "Look, I'd love to give you marriage, but I can only do that if I'm elected. And I know I won't be if I support gay marriage." Okay. We get it. We wanted to elect you, too. I don't blame Obama the person; I'm glad he's here. It is just the most discouraging thing in the world to fight for this man to become President of the United States, to be "part of" this phenomenon, and then be explicitly excluded from it.
"Yeah! We all did it! But homosexual citizens' feelings really just aren't as valid as normal, Christian heterosexual citizens," Was the message there.
I honestly just don't understand where history went. What happened to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr's dream where "one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL.'" That " I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." What happened to Huey Long, the founder of the Black Panthers liberation movement defending homosexuals explaining that "Homosexuals are not given freedom and liberty by anyone in the society. Maybe they might be the most oppressed people in the society." And that "The terms 'faggot' and 'punk' should be deleted from our vocabulary."
Is the Christian black community truly so far from its Civil-rights Era roots of freedom? How does God's Bible trump "Truths that are self-evident?"
I had a dream that "Separate But Equal" was over after Brown vs. Board of Education (a monumental decision that started to destroy "Separate But Equal" on the basis of it being unconstitutional (Hint: it still is)) would hold up.
Now, I have to cling to a dream that one day, everyone will be judged on their character, and not on whom they love. I have to cling to the hope that emptied from before I found out about the decision that isolated me from the happy mass of people that could rejoice in their victory AND their love.
I cling to Dr. King's Dream because, lest it be forgotten, someone has to.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment